Pregnant stripper...not hot.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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