you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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