i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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