i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
you never un-have a 4some
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
