You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
