is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
