When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
