There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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