ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
