3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
