You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
