Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
