I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
