I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
