Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
