drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
