so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
