rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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