True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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