Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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