you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
