What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
