Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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