A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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