I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
