Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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