420 ftw
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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