Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
