Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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