you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
