He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
