so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
