i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
