I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
