He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Randomize
