I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
