Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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