just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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