It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
