When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This is the high leading the old right now
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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