I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
