i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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