I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
