On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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