remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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