Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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