oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
