Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
