I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
