You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
