all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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