No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
