I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
