Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
