I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
