That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
