Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
this hospital has no fireball
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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