I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
that's an acceptable place to lick
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
