I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
