her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
