Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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