What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize