is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
