im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize