another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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