I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
