Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
either way he was missing a nipple.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
