...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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