So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
