First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
