I can't watch pbs sober anymore
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
