i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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