and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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