She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
