I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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