I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
