quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
