TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
