When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
