he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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