I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
