Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
