Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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