Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
