Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
