i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
