Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize