The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
