They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
