the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
