She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
