My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
