I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
