I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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