Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
