just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
