I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
