I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
