ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
