i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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