I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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