The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
