there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
