Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
