May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
