Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
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