No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
