I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
