I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
