loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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